The Great Resume Massacre (Dr. Evil laugh)

Jason "Jessica" Alba has a pretty cool idea brewing over on his blog - he's making it possible for a fellow with a crappy resume to receive expert analysis and opinion from experts (what's a resume expert?). Chef Carl has already chimed in with his report and it's time for John Smith to come to the Edge for another dose of reality. So has Sweetie Pie. It ain't pretty.

[Dr. Evil laugh...]

Don’t know why but I always read resumes from back to front. Perhaps I like to see if the person spent as much time and energy on the tail end as they probably did on the beginning. Let’s see what we have here..

Contact info at the end? Do you think any automated ATS has the smarts to check the end of the resume for this or is it assumed that everyone knows to place their contact info at the beginning of the resume/

The phrases strategic business partner and available upon request do the same thing to me – I wonder if the person uttering these really can walk and chew gum at the same time. Of course, references will be made available upon request! What other alternative is there? Company - “John, would you please send me four references?”; John – “No.” Company: “Oh…”

While I’m on the topic of available upon request, if I were John, I’d create an Internet page that highlights my writings - has everyone forgotten Heather Henricks? – and place a link to this within the resume (where is open to discussion).

What is it with the lines embracing each section? My mantra for resumes is to eliminate non-essential ink. Get rid on one of them, will ya?

Why are the skills at the end of the resume? Can someone please answer this for me? Are they also available upon request? Put them up front in a take-no-prisoners Summary section (one horizontal line please, not two).

Another pet peeve – A section entitled “Professional Experience” or “Work Experience.” Whenever I see one of these, I always look for an “Amateur Experience” or “Play Experience” section. “Experience” minimizes non-essential ink; if you volunteer quite a bit, have a section entitled “Volunteerism” or if you have experience from your “dark side” that you’d like to share, call it “After Hours.” It sounds cool and smoky, like playing in a jazz bar and will convince most that you’re not working two jobs at the same time.

If you have a two page resume, include right justified at the top of the page, your name, a title representing who you are professionally, and “Page 2” – just in case someone manages to separate the pages.

What to bold, italicize and underline: Generally speaking, the name of the company and major dates are in bold, the job title is underlined, and nothing is italicized. Don’t bold and underline – one or the other. Why no italics? Because some fonts lose their ability to stand out when italicized. Remember – clean and simple has the additional quality of being more easily “read” by an automated ATS.

Why isn’t there a summary at the top, a place where you highlight your skills and accomplishments in 1-2 short paragraphs? You’re skills go up top in this section not at the end – unless the resume grabs them early, they may not even get to the end (sad but true).

Now we’re on to the meat of the resume – content.

Everything in a resume needs to pass the “So what?” test – if someone in your target audience reads it, will their response be “so what?” If so, it either needs more seasoning or needs to be eliminated.

The resume is entirely depauperate of measures of performance. Working again from the back to the front:

You have room so give the reader the article titles; Did articles generate comment fodder – how much? Did the press releases you wrote generate “interest” or sales?

If you’re a blogger, what’s you’re Alexa rank? How many page views? Trackbacks? How have any of these changed over time?

You interview industry leaders but have they offered you feedback about the great interview that you can use in your resume, on your soon-to-be-created website, in your cover letters, or as part of your responses during an interview?

Senior Project Manager – nothing is written about the success of these projects.

GM and Administrator – “Brought company from very poor state into a successful and profitable enterprise; implemented several new services; managed all day-to-day operations including sales, billing, technical support, and administrative duties; implemented quality assurance surveys; implemented AIM, MSN, and Skype support; greatly improved client/staff relationship; implemented and wrote company newsletter; implemented script installation service for customers; implemented web site management service for customers; redesigned company web site.”

Do you think you’re ee cummings and your goal is to write the longest sentence in resume history? Break it up!

Tell the reader what it means to go “from very poor state into a successful and profitable enterprise.”

Tell the reader what new services were implemented and how successful they were.

What was the size of the group you managed? What was the budget?

How bad were client/staff relationships and how good did they become – did turnover improve, absenteeism decrease?

Most of all, tell the reader what the company does because I’ll bet that they, like me, haven’t the foggiest idea. What are their revenues? Number of employees? Who comprises their customer base? A corner deli is just as much a business as a Starbuck’s but there are subtle differences between the two that need to be defined… ;) Same for Company X and Y.

Heck, I’m not so sure that the titles listed accurately portray what the real job was – this too needs to be assessed.

Most important, you have to explain the dates…

I’m an engineer so I naturally had to draw a Gantt chart of John’s career. I used the order presented in the resume and came to the conclusion that John needs help that even Dr. Phil can’t offer. So there has to be a better way to present John’s experience on a resume – and there is.

Experience section: Company X followed by Company A, Company Z, and Company Y.

Freelance section: Website, Freelance writer, Company B.

Naturally, without any details about the companies, this order is based more upon my feel than for actual facts.

Another item we don’t know is what type of position are you targeting – this too can change the advice given.

John, it’s now you’re move... but wipe yourself up first, ok?

[is that a resume attached to Alba's head?]